Fast! Listen. Compliment. When I was a youngster, I think I was able to do all of those things at the same time one of these women would have a melt down. I now understand why my grandfather would take working gigs up in Alaska, for the summers, but I digress. Fast forward to present day; I had a solid foundation to work from where it concerned women… I always seemed to make friends with women easier than guys; a fact that made me want to club baby seals. Nonetheless, I learned that women who were “just friends” were the most valuable weapon in my arsenal when it came to dating for a number of reasons, some of which I’ll list: Your platonic female friend will tell you, straight up what they think of the women you’re interested in. Women know feelings and know emotions, they tend to be better at empathizing. These things really help when you want to get to the bottom of how your lady things. Generally speaking, if there’s a girl I’m really into, I make damn sure she’s met ALL of my female friends. I need to know what they think, I value their opinions. The wall of estrogen has not yet failed me. If the girl you’re into is on the insecure side, there are a couple of options. If you’re a bit of a jerk, or a lot of a jerk, then you can exploit this by talking up your female friends all the time and see how your beau responds. Nonetheless, if you’re like me, that you do not like insecure women.fname on stripchat
There’s nothing wrong with a woman having many male friends, conversely there’s nothing wrong with a guy having many female friends, in my opinion… If my love interest is relationship material, she’s has to be able to handle this fact; that I have female friends. Your female friends will open your eyes in many ways, perhaps to things you hadn’t really thought about or taken notice of before. It could be the arts, find food and drink, great film, books. The list goes on. Guys, I’m not saying that you need surrender the things that make you a man. No. A woman won’t respect that. Nonetheless, understanding where a woman is coming from is key; knowing how to relate, how to take part in a variety of ways is key. One of the single most important reasons to have platonic female friends is to see HOW THEY deal with relationship issues. If your female friends are in a relationship, they’re going to arrive at you, confide in you and ask of your advice and opinion. This is a very good thing.
Sure, you’re being there for a valued friend. Don’t miss it for the opportunity it provides. The opportunity is to see how women deal with a situation; you’re able to see how they feel; how they think and how they cope. Take note of the questions, understand the needs which can be expressed. Sure, there are those that would say “Can’t you do this with women that you have sex with?” I suppose you could, I’ve tried it, but it’s just not the same. Sex, unless it’s with an FB, just complicates things too much, women don’t need that sort of drama in their lives, as much as we men are happy to “be there.” Your platonic female friends not only can teach you something about women and how they think, how they are when vulnerable, nevertheless they can be a true barometer for your relationships with other women. Until next time, guys, stop fondling your female friends. Pervert. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Men, Tips & Advice Tagged in: platonic, Sex Hey party people!
Welcome to the fourth installment of “Relationships: So Easy a Caveman Can Do It!” Today’s topic is either easy or ambiguous according to what your point of reference is, but as the title states, I think it’s easy… Kinda like your dad. See what I did there? Totally going contrary to the grain with a “your dad” joke. Not funny? Fail. Moving on! Today’s topic is about “Effort” within a relationship. What? Effort? What could the Urban Dater mean? Pay attention dear reader and learn This article, for some reason, has become a difficult one for me to write… I’ve re-written it twice! I’m not sure why that is… Perhaps it’s the whole effort thing and the part of me, that asshole kid who terrorized my poor mum when I was young, that just likes to rebel for the sake of rebelling… What the hell am I saying? I don’t know!
Let’s get to the rest of the article, kids. Effort. What is it? a quick query into the Urban Dater Robotto DX 9000 returned this: Effort = “Use of physical or mental energy; hard work to achieve something.” Yeah, I can get behind that, thanks Mr.
Anything worth doing is worth making an effort for. This goes for pretty much anything in life. If someone desires to become a doctor, that person had better be prepared to put in a lot of effort and go to school for some time. If someone desires to become a bodybuilder, they’d best be hitting those weights… Steroids may also be an option here, though not legal… You understand what I’m getting at. Relationships require a similar mentality. Sooner or later, with the passage of time, the effort you make becomes “just a part of your day.” I think that gestures of effort are so defined because of their quality and not so much their quantity. That is, you may not make an effort every day, but being consistent is what’s important; quality being greater than quantity. A proven way I’ve made more of an effort is with the gal I’m seeing.
We’ve dated two separate times within the past year. The first time I was very casual about things. If I didn’t see her during a week I didn’t think twice about it… I’d be more likely to decline invites to outings with her family or friends… This time around, things are very different. We’re different. I make an effort to be there for her if she needs me. Not long ago she was concerned over some family medical issues. I offered to go to and spend some time with her. I make an effort to be there at family/friend functions also.
I don’t think about it like, “Well, I better make an effort try this thing today.” I just do these things… She’s taken a more important role in my life. I don’t have to tell her so, though it’s nice to hear, but my actions tell the story that I am making more of an effort to really “be there” for her, not only that but to let her be there for me, too. That’s not the only way that effort manifests itself, nonetheless. You see, part of it really is merely “taking your partner’s pulse.” What I mean is that you make a point to take an interest in the things your partner does. It could be as simple asking them about their day… Simply put, just listening; asking questions. Another solution to show effort is simply to be a giving person. I’m not saying showering your significant other with gift ideas. But the occasional gift is nice; think “little things.” It shows thought and contains the nice side effect of coming back to you. In thinking about this topic I’m reminded of a conversation that I had with a friend of mine, Jim. I reminded Jim that he should begin thinking about things to do for Valentine’s Day (last year he was asking me for advice two days before V-Day).
He said to me, “You know, man, Janie (Jim’s wife) did her Maid of Honor speech at a wedding last weekend. In that wedding she said you do not go all out crazy for those few special days of the year like Valentine’s, Christmas or Easter. When you love some one you make a little effort every single day.” Wow. Jim’s on to something there, or his wife is at least. =) Think about that, though. How true is that? Being active and making an effort is something we ought to do every single day, not just special days… Effort really is more about the little things every single day. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: advice, Relationships There are times when a person reflects on the past and upon that reflection a person may realize that there’s something they could have done better. In particular, I’m referring to a break up with an ex.
One that happened some time ago. Upon further reflection, I think there was clearly a better way to accomplish it. At the time, though, it made for a funny story. Actually, it still makes me snicker and those that I tell the story to as well. So… What was so bad?Well, this one gal I was dating, we’d been together for a while. Nonetheless, things were going south. The writing was on the wall, so to speak and I chose to ignore it. When issues arise or things just aren’t right communication is invaluable.
I sound like an after school special. Right? Actually, were there ever any after school specials that deal with the topic of breaking up with your woman the right way?https://topadultreview.com/ I don’t think so. Thus, I blame my crappy break up skills on television programming during the 80s for not equipping me with the appropriate tools to deal with such things. Anyway, we had both let issues go without talking about them and eventually it came to a head at a party I was hosting. Without getting into every one of the details, since this is approximately the break up and all, there were a number of things that occurred that really sealed the deal for me, in addition to what some of my good friends were saying. The weird thing, though, was at one point, I begun to receive text messages from a single of my ex’s friends. This friend of hers was telling me that I should “just break up with her.” The text messages went on and revealed a few more things that really did put the final nail in the coffin… I knew what I had to accomplish. But my ex was passed out on my bed. The “talk” would have to wait until morning.
You see, given our problems, my ex and I hadn’t been… intimate… for some time, greater than a month in fact. For whatever reason, “it” happened in the morning and we had sex, so I had to carry off on our talk… the “baby arm” wasn’t likely to look after itself now. Was it? We each had taken a shower, I went downstairs to survey the wreckage from the previous nights’ festivities. It turned out that no one stayed the night, or they cleared about before I came downstairs because they probably knew I’d enlist their help (assholes). I didn’t want to clean it myself, obviously. Therefore the talk would have to wait. It was a TON of work!! So my ex helped me clean the place and about 4 hours later we sat on the couch. Both of us were spent and hung over. My ex suggests we go grab lunch and that is when I finally initiate “the talk.” “Yeah, about that… I think we need to talk…” It was brief and to the point, yet intense. We were both at the same point and knew that this was the best direction to take… I walked my ex to her car and that was the end of that. In summary, having sex with my ex, making my ex help me clean and then not buying her lunch and then breaking up with her, are the factors why I am, in fact, a big jerk. Or is there more? I’m inclined to believe that I handled that situation both selfishly and poorly and I would have done it differently because I know who it hurt and how much.
nonetheless, in my defense, I was hurting, too, because of what my ex’s friend had revealed to me during the party… Perhaps I was acting out? I’m not sure, but it doesn’t matter I suppose. So when I am at the pubs and I hear someone yell, “Where is the jerk that calls himself the Yannibmbr?” I will stick my head out and respond, “Sir! I am that jerk.” Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: Conversation, jerk Those of you that know me probably know this story already. If you don’t know this story, pull up your favorite chair, bean bag or TaunTaun Sleeping Bag. That waters are about to get rough… It was a bitingly chilly day in hell, you see, ski season was well underway, Al Gore have been robbed of victory and I, at the time, didn’t date older women, was about to go out with one… It started innocently enough. I posted a personal add on Craigslist. After sifting through the penis pics, I then posted to the W4M section of the site, mortified at what my male brethren do to attract women. On that note let me take some time to call that behavior into question: Why? Why do we men feel the need to send women a penis pic?
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it for the bastardly evil act that it is… Really! Nonetheless, at what point does a guy get to place where he thinks it’s okay to start flaunting what he is holstering? Perhaps while watching old reruns of Hollywood Squares a guy sees an image of Jim J. Bullock and then it inspires him to send off this awkward photo to the first woman ‘s pic that he sees on his online dating profile… Don’t worry; I’m not sure what’s wrong with me either. Anyway, now that I’m in the right area, I get some interesting bites from women. One woman was plainly too old for me, at the time, she was well into her forties. Not my cup of tea. I was still in my twenties by this point. Another gal wrote me and refused to send a pic, which I specifically asked for, since I’d posted a pic. Gone! After a couple more replies I get this genuinely kind email from a gal named Janet. Janet’s pic was nice, she was in shape and toned, she was well come up with with an amazing smile. I couldn’t wait to meet her, even after our brief conversations. Fast forward to date night. I drive from Orange County to Harbor City; she’s living in a pretty run down hotel. Now, she had said that she came to California to act and to get away from a bad relationship. “Okay, I get that,” I thought to myself, being understanding, I didn’t really pass judgment on this motel that was no better than the slum shanties you might see in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil or Desert Hot Springs (sorry, I had to take a dig there).
I nervously rap on the door and not a second goes by when Janet flings the door open and gives me a gigantic hug. In the moments, mere seconds that followed I noticed the following: Okay, this chick just popped my back and not in a good way, ow! I noticed a discolored tooth, weird. She seemed an excellent ten or so years more than her pic indicated and I won’t tell you how many extra lbs. she might have been carrying. Janet exchanged pleasantries, I wanted to go home. Were I not such a puss at the time I think i might have face palmed this woman and made a run for it; but no, I was committed to ride this out to its conclusion. Our first stop is at a Thai place she recommended that was, literally, an infant’s toss away from her shanty. The place smelled pungent and I’m being nice. We sit and I begin asking Janet about herself, that’s when I began to wonder if Janet killed this sweet girl in the photo that had been emailed to me. Janet was all too kind to talk and keep the conversation going. I wanted to rip my eyes out and choke to them. Mark McGwire had more fun in his Congressional hearing, where he refused to confess about his steroid use, than I was having.
The whole time I couldn’t help but stare at Janet’s apparently dead tooth, now caught in the embrace of a chunk of chicken. I said nothing to her about the food stuck in her teeth. I had officially checked out. Janet suggested we go to Redondo Beach to get a drink, I was a willing accomplice, and a drink seemed like a great idea… Oh yea, the drink was a good idea until one of the bars we went to she was promptly told by a pissed off whiskey-slinger “Hey! I told you, you crazy B*tch, you’re not allowed her and get the f*ck out!” Nice. There was clearly an El Torito where we sat for a couple drinks, to Janet’s credit the woman is a talker. I learned that she has two kids and, according to her, a bi-polar and violent husband waiting for her in Texas; he may as well have been Prince Charming as far as I was concerned. a few drinks later she pulls me on to the beach and being playful, I’m really not feeling this date and I want to leave, but can’t seem to muster the gusto to really say “Look ho!
I needs to go!” Instead, I stick around and watch Janet step in tar. That was funny. I suggest she go back to her place, so she can make an effort to get the tar off. Noticed I did not say “we.” We get back to her humble shanty of love and I leave the truck running, as I tell her I had a good time. Then Janet insists and pleads with me to come in and help her get the tar off her foot. Sexy! We go in, and the place smells of cigarettes, lotion and… Bengay? It was an odd combination and Janet’s slice of hell was adorned with clowns.
Creepy clowns. We get to her restroom and I’m trying to scrub the tar off her and to no avail. I advised peeing on her foot and she looked up at me with a weird “I’m kinda turned on right now” sort of look… Disturbed by the reaction, I turn and exit her bathroom. Janet follows me and turns me around and says, “Hey, let me show you something.” I reply, “Nah, that’s okay, I don’t have to be shown any more stuff right now. ” Janet insists and pushes me with her linebacker strength on to her bed. Wide eyed I look up at her and she’s holding something in her hand, with a cable attached to it. Consider there are no lights on and creepy clown faces on her walls. She says, “You’re gonna LOVE this!” She clicks a button on this device when I hear a low deep sounding hum. At first my legs start to shake and vibrate, the humming and buzzing gets louder as the vibration reaches my lower back, higher and higher the sensation moves and louder the buzzing and humming get. For whatever reason, I feel paralyzed to do anything; the humming is really loud now as the sensation moves up to my neck. That’s when this loud crackling sound erupts from behind me and bright sparks shoot from behind my f*cking head and a searing pain and burning sensation scorches my left ear. I roll over, writhing and just really spooked by the sudden blast to my ear. Yeah, so Janet was showing demo-ing her massage pad on me because of the f*cking thing short circuited behind my head.
Nice. I sit up and Janet hops on the bed to check on it and wrap her body around me. At this point I’m done, I say “Look, I gotta go. I have a thing with some kids or something; old people. I dunno, I just have SOMETHING.” As I get up to leave, Janet uses her linebacker arm and Tanya Harding legs to keep me on the bed and she’s being playful and trying to kiss me, I turn my head and we roll off the bed with a loud thud, most of her weight on me of course. I stand up rapidly and dust myself off and make a b-line for the door. Then Janet sits up, leaning on her bed and says, seductively, “You know, I like you. All my other dates f*ck me on the first date.” Nice, really nice. I reply, “Oh… well, how cool is that?
I really need to go. Call you sometime! Bye!” I jump in my 86′ Nissan Pick em up truck and hit the pedal and go as fast as that little four banger would take me… I was forever changed. No more dates with chicks from Harbor City going forward. I didn’t go on another date for about three months. This woman straight up traumatized me and I realized that Craigslist ads required a special review process… Wow. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: bad dates, crazy women Somewhere along the lines, I heard what I think is a great piece of dating advice.
Never make plans for the future which can be further in the future than your past together.