The key with this idea is to test for interest everywhere you go. Everywhere. Take the initiative to say hello and if the conversation begins to flow between you and a woman, don’t hesitate to ask for her number. an effective line i’ve used in the past is ‘Hey, I know this is sort of forward, but I enjoyed talking with you. I have to run but give me your number and I’ll take you out sometime.’ Confidence is attractive and this approach has the power to really set a nice tone along with having that romantic/fate feel rolled into it that women love. 5. Join a Group or Team This idea is not new but it remains a great way to meet new people and potential dates. This classic idea has improved in recent years with the launch of other websites and businesses that cater exclusively to the singles market without being a speed dating type set-up.adultfriend finder There are a wide range of different groups out there to match your interest from www.meetup.com, www.eventsandadventures.com, www.toastmasters.org and various local recreation leagues to name just a few. What Next? So, how can you use this post to help you? Here are a few things i recommend: Set a target amount of dates you want to go on over the next four weeks. I like eight because an average of two per week is very doable.
Pick two of the strategies above. Commit to taking action and getting to your goal. This might mean putting it on your ‘To Do‘ list or setting aside 15-30 minutes each day. Take action and I promise you will see results. Not only will you see results, but you’ll have a four week stretch of new experiences, build momentum and who knows — maybe even find your really great match! Thanks for reading. Please share this article if you enjoyed it. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: prolific dating It’s a simple principle really: Be a catch and surely you’ll be caught. What I mean is that women seek men who are sought out by others. Duh! Right? It’s a simple truth that people feel good about acquiring things that they know other people will want. The same is true of women and the men they want. Allow me to explain…As men, we should already know that women want a man that makes them feel secure and safe.
That’s a given, I would think, for those who have any amount of success in the realm of dating and relationships. However, there’s something else that I realized the other day listening to a couple women talk at lunch. It’s something I kind of knew already but never burned it to memory. The men that women really want are men that are wanted by other women. It’s no secret that men and women want to find someone that is the proverbial “catch.” With women this is especially evident, I feel. The times that I’ve thought that women been most interested in me is when I was already in a relationship or if there was other women showing interest in me… I never really thought much about that until now. Guys, just having other women interested in you and showing interest in you ups your desirability by several points. Why is that, though? Women, like I said earlier, want a catch. They want to know that they’re getting someone that is high quality. One way a man demonstrates his quality is by how much he is wanted and adored by other women. Many times, a desired and chased man is a man who also presents a challenge as well. A man with options is a man who can take his time to decide; a man like this is confident, or at least he should be. A man like this intrigues and attracts women. On the flip side of the coin, women don’t want a guy that couldn’t find a date if he emptied his 401k and shat rainbows as party favors (excuse the analogy). No woman wants to have a guy because, well, he doesn’t have any other options.
Why would a woman want someone like that? I have friend who’s dealt with this situation to a degree. His woman has argued with him over the fact that he’s not dated any “attractive” women and because of that she feels like she’s ugly because she’s with him… I get what she’s saying, I don’t really agree with it either, my friend has dated a number of hotties, but I digress. The point is that because my buddy’s girlfriend perceives that he couldn’t land an attractive woman that she is somehow devalued because of it. Like I said, it’s odd, but this is how some women are wired. I’d say that many women outgrow this behavior at some point, but I’ve seen more and more women chase down the chased man… It’s an interesting event to observe, really.
At a small bar and restaurant in Long Island City, I was the reigning queen. I was lead to the place by the closing night party of an all-female Shakespearian production. The ladies and I were looking to have a good time as we sent the show off, and I decided tonight was for white wine. In the mirror behind the bartender I recognized this guy from my improv past—my god—my god—but, like, hey…boy…you cute. I tried to wrap him into conversation only to discover that a). he was disinterested or b). he was uninteresting or c). he potentially had a girlfriend. And the most fearful of all of these is GIRLFRIEND, because there leads to the possibility that she is RIGHT BEHIND YOU, SURPRISE, OH MY GOD, HI! The improv man reveals the rest of HIS cast is here, and, whoosh–I am in luck, pending that our rival casts don’t get in a Sharks/Jets-type rumble. Male actors are really a bevy of boys who i could talk shop with. Even though the ideal is dating anyone who isn’t a performer, I can trust in the male actor could have the exact same certain flaws and insecurities which I have encountered one million times at drama school and are no stranger to me. “Bless you, belief that your fake laugh sounds good!
I welcome you: fear of actual intimacy!” While I would welcome dating someone who was a banker, lawyer, or (you know what comes next), the devil I know is familiar and comfortingly effeminate. I start talking to new guy X, wrap him into full engagement, and then leave him for a while, as to appear “wanted”. This is a GOOD TRICK, LADIES: Walking around a fair amount will not only stretch the legs, but will also allow you to be appear like you are a unicorn being pursued by the ravenous male sex. Potential downsides are that the guy you are trying to interest will spot a new magical creature during your walk around the room, forget you ever existed, and be considered imaginary for the remainder of your time here on Earth. The clock strikes twelve, and I feel a twitching in my hands. Ugh! The fatal bell man tolls: The dangerous part of the evening where I give someone my number. I have never given away number successfully to anyone at a bar ever. Past exhibitions of foolery are: a). The Woods: Club in BKLYN where I said, “Put your number in my phone” to a bartender and he said, “I can’t. I have a girlfriend.” Tensions are too high with my ex at the time to text him to lap up my wounds, so I text his brother instead. b). POUR HOUSE in Morningside Heights. I leave my number for a bartender and he smiles and promptly looses it.
MOURNINGside Heights. c). The Woods: Club in BKLYN where this guy tries to interview me on my political philosophy and I ask him out. The guy ignores this and continues to question me for his “blog”. I leave disgusted by humanity. However, tonight’s the night! And as I’m leaving I say abruptly, “You single? You wanna go out?” The guy pauses, and I say, “Okay, sorry.” And run outside into the street. The guy follows me to say that he actually doesn’t have a girlfriend and would be down to go out. We exchange numbers, and to the chagrin of Alex Spieth, he offers: “You should see my play next week.” The male actor strikes again, and in three weeks of having my number and a few check-up texts hasn’t pursued the matter further. I pray that if he texts me I will have the strength to refuse, but, in this modern age, anything is possible. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Women I’ve never been good with ‘traditional’ relationships. There’s only so long that someone like me can hide his neurosis. I make a great first impression, but women tend to break up with me around the time they come home and find me naked on the couch watching Batman and dipping fried chicken in spaghettios. Naturally, for someone like me, long-distance relationships are ideal.
They’re just like real relationships, only you get to hide all the things that generally make women avoid you like an arsenic sandwich. Here are a few of the many, many benefits of long-distance relationships They’re great for people who have something to hide.
But if you think your long-distance relationship is hard, just think about how hard people had it back in the covered-wagon says. See, they didn’t have social media back then. Do you think Lewis and Clark made Sacagawea pull the boat over so they could stop and text their girlfriends? HELLS NO! They were too busy lasso-ing eagles and giving each other cholera to concern yourself with nonsense like that. Back in those days, if you wanted to get your romance on with your funky fresh lady-friend while you were out chopping trees or purchasing Louisiana from the French, you had to suck it up and wait. These days, it’s pretty easy to stay in constant communication with someone, even when they live halfway throughout the world. Technology has made life infinitely easier. Maintaining a long-distance relationship in the 21st century is as simple as buying a calling card or getting a Facebook account. If you’re not smart enough to figure out social media, you’re probably not smart enough to trick people into dating you anyways. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!
Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: humor, LDR’s, long distance relationships We’re on Google Plus the Urban Dater now has a page on Google Plus. Is there any reason you should care? Nah, there’s no reason to give two shits of a rat’s patootie. However, we do play the social media games that keep us all glued to our computers, mobile devices and such, and so here we are. Take a few moments and, um… Circle us? Yeah, put us in your circle or whatever it is that they do over there on the g+ platform. To that end, don’t forget that we’re on Twitter, Facebook and some other shitty social networks… But we’re not on LinkedIn, cause that would just be lame. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Social Media Tagged in: google plus, social media via – Elephant Journal I used to be addicted to the love drug.
My thoughts about relationships weren’t so much about how I could grow and contribute, but more about the comfort and security I could gain. After my last breakup I had a sea change in how I viewed relationships: I realized that I could continue seeking fulfillment in relationships and fail, or I could bring fulfillment to them and succeed. I put in lot of work and began the adventure of a lifetime: Self Discovery. I came to understand that everything I had looked for in relationships was waiting to be discovered inside of me and in the dreams I created. My relationships changed forever as I discovered more about the person I was and the man I wanted to be. Three years after my last breakup, I’m an author, a contributing writer for many self improvement sites, and a relationship coach in Albuquerque, New Mexico—and I’m happy! Because I had hope for a brighter future, I refused to continue doing less than I was capable of. With that shift in perspective I not only changed my relationship prospects, I changed my entire life. Because I chose to respond positively to my last breakup, I found my calling, my career, and I continue to find new parts of the amazing man who I aspire to be every day. If you’ve gone through hell in a breakup, I have some advice that will help you to convert old failures into the life of your dreams. Focus on You—Now My last breakup took a year to get over because of this: I focused on her. I focused on what I was missing by not being with her, and I removed myself from reality by lingering in faded memories. Then after that year, I light bulb went off: Misery is a choice! I realized that being unhappy with my current situation was not my former partner’s fault, but my choice. Bit by bit, I took control of my thoughts and focused on what I could do to create a reality I desired. What I did was to make a plan.
My inner dialogue was something like this— “Okay Danny, you’re not happy. You weren’t happy in the relationship, so you broke up. Wake up! Take responsibility for your choices! Life is right here and it’s passing you by while you are stuck in the past. If you’d like to be happy with anybody, you have to be happy with yourself. So make a plan and live your dreams!” After I got real with myself, I realized that all of my relationships had occurred for lack of a better plan. I settled for terminal relationships that left me with less because I didn’t have a dream. It took hitting rock bottom to come up with a plan that factored in my happiness and wellbeing, and to create the fulfillment I desired. Embrace failure I converted my biggest relationship flop into the greatest success of my life after I recognized fault in my actions. That’s a hard thing to do these days because we’re told that nothing we do is wrong; it just is. But we do things wrong, whether we like to admit it or not, and there are consequences which affect our happiness.
For me, I placed the onus of my fulfillment on women. After the chemical high of new romance wore off and I realized they weren’t satisfying my internal needs, I resented them and we would break up. I recognized the error in placing responsibility for my fulfillment in others, and then I began the process of change. What happens when you don’t acknowledge a failure, or a weakness? Take the Challenger space shuttle, for example. It ended up exploding and killing all seven crew members in 1986—what happened? There was an equipment failure that was noticed but not acted upon. Something so simple as A o-ring replacement would have saved the lives of those men and women, but ground control was too focused on launching and refused to acknowledge fault in the craft. The shuttle burst in flames over the Atlantic, and what could have been a simple fix and postponement amounted to a horrific failure and loss of life. In a similar way, people continue to crash and burn in their relationships as they are too focused on the launch and not focused enough on the preparation. It goes like this: “Ah, the thoughts and behaviors that went into my last relationship…they didn’t have anything to do with the breakup, people just break up and that’s what happens.” That’s the prevailing thought towards break ups these days, but it doesn’t empower us like embracing our failures does. One reason people are loath to dismiss their personal faults is because we have cultivated a culture of shame.
In the culture of shame, doing something wrong means there is something wrong with you. The Culture of Shame Most people grow up feeling shame because of how we were raised. If we did well on a test, our parents would praise us with, “You’re so smart! Good job!” That doesn’t seem so bad, but check out the converse. If your next test was a total bomb, that means you were deficient. In place of failing the test because you didn’t study hard enough, now you feel as though you are the failure. You aced the last test because you were smart, Dad even said so, which means that for this test…You just weren’t smart enough. That is the essence of shame, and it usually starts with the wrong type of praise; praising the person in place of praising the work. Because I want my kid to be a strong boy with resilience and work ethic, I will praise his effort. If he brings back an aced test, I will tell him, “ You studied your little Dowling butt off, way to go!” and he will feel awesome about the work he did. Conversely if little Dow brings back a flopped test, I will tell him, “You can always study harder and do better next time. Want to practice some algebra problems with Mom and then head to the park for some Frisbee?” The focus is on the action, not the person. If you screw up, it doesn’t mean you are a screw up.
If you failed, it doesn’t mean you are a failure, it just means that you can do better next time if you work hard. The culture of shame is something we all have to work hard to change, starting with how we respond to things that make us uncomfortable. If you can say that you failed and work out a plan to improve, you open yourself up to limitless growth in future relationships. My last breakup was the biggest failure I’ve had to date, but it also became the foundation for my greatest success when I acknowledged what it was and planned for something better. Take ownership of your relationships If you think you’re a human being, you’ve been had. You are actually a human being/creator, which means that you are not limited by any factor. You have the capacity to change your situation regardless of the external circumstances. What matters most is inside of you and how you respond to external situations.
If you have a dream, then you always have a guide to help you respond positively to any situation. My relationships failed because they weren’t part of a larger framework of success. I accepted temporary pleasure as the best that I could get, and I lacked the faith to dream of something better. After my last breakup, I decided I’d had enough. I was tired of failed relationships and feeling empty and miserable, and I knew that I could do better if I came up with a plan.